Joss Stone

"A car this fine don't pass your way everyday
Don't cha wanna ride baby"

Jocelyn Eve Stoker..born 11th April 1987 (i am not a stalker, just thought id get some facts before i start on how im in love with her songs)

Yes she is as old as me..but she looks MUCH MUCH older..i guess people in england and america just age faster, because culturally they face 'LIFE' alot faster then we do..we are babied and smothered and cushioned from real hard life, until we forcefully/secretly apply to college and run away abroad..our parents just dont want to let go..Whatsupwiththat?!
My dad sometimes jokingly(although sometiems i fear he's serious) says, il NEVER let u go, even after u marry your can live upstairs...creepy!

Not alot of people know about her, and those who know dont like her sound...WHYYYY i ask? WHY? She is the perfect blend of new sound, Soul, RnB and hippy culture all rolled into one..
You can see her in her live performances always running back and forth on stage barefeet, belting out strong/heavy melodies with sweet ass lyrics about love, make-ups, break-ups and taking a ride in a hummer in the summer..hehe

One of the first songs of hers that i fell in love with.."Donch'u wanna ride baby" was such a deep song with such innocent lyrics..and most of you wont agree with me on this one but YES its deep.. She is very aware of the human need to love and be loved by someone and she effortlessly sings about the need for his 'hands all over me'.. 'need you so bad'..'how he is a bad habit'..shes young, experienceing firs love, first heartbreak, etc for the first time..cheesy yes, but then what else do you expect her to be singing about? the economy going Ka-Put? how its the first black president America has ever had, and already the country is broke(courtesy of Wanda Sykes hahah)
(and now that iv made such a poor case in her favour..)

She gives Killer performances(her voice) she has SUCH heart and soul that they make you believe her love of the music is pure..shes at her BEST on stage, Barefoot mind-you(which is kinda cute), shes bubbly, friendly and ALWAYS talks to the audience telling stories of how she wrote the song, or was inspired by it..and the best part...shes not some nobody..shes been on the scene for the last 6 7 years and has had the priviledge to sing with some of music's GREATEST..

What you think im bluffing? well let me go on to throw a few names on the table to make my case stronger..
James Brown, Tom JOnes, Smokey Robinson, Melissa Ethridge, Common(yes the rapper), John Legend, Carlos Santana(The Man), Leanne Rhimes, Rob Thomas, Gladys Knight, Erykah Badu and Blondie...(no kidding)
Singing Classics like 'Take me to the river'(one of my favs), 'No woman no cry', L.O.V.E, and tributes to Aretha franklin, Live8, many many many charity concerts(she cant say no when people ask her to perform at a charity thing)

This girl is a powerhouse, known as the 'British Soul Sensation'..her music has blown me away..(and then others say shes too loud for them..what do they know)

P.S: shes not THAT commercial..I LOVE THAT! i hope she never becomes commercialized..dont want another britney on our hands..and shes still young(as am i :P) long road ahead of her..and i hope she continues to come out with GREAT music..looking fwd to it..

:)

The Funnies |||

Things You would Never Know Without The Movies

• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  
  
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
  
  
• All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
  
  
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  
  
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  
  
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  
  
• It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
  
  
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  
  
• Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
  
  
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

Confessions

I just finished watching the first 7 episodes of the new season of 'Chuck'..the comdeic, spy-based show about a geek whose secretly a spy..
and i must say..season 3 has very much amuzed me!! MUCH better than the first two seasons! Fo Sho!

which brings me to why im sitting typing this out..
did you ever want to be a spy when you were young?
Maybe it was just me, and my shady obsession with X-files, but i had always wanted to be in the FBI/CIA/some kind of Special services...
c'mon it takes alot to put these secret passions of mine out there, in the open..
and i knw i sound half-childish and kinda gay haha but when i got slightly older my passion got slightly more refined..and i got inspired by an article i read, about forensic anthropology..peked my interest, and my gave birth to my dream of becoming one! Closest thing to a special agent or a crime scene :P

..and then i watch a tv show called 'Bones'..(yes somehow i always come back to the tv) and even though the main charecter-forensic anthropologist- is an uptight, socially retarded stiffy..in other words(and im going to be vain again) NOT at all me..haha yes i relate myself to whatever i watch..i am indeed one of those!..i was weirdly facinated by that line of work..but then again, medicine(bones skeletons) not my thing!

So i watch a show called 'Criminal Minds' ...NOW THATS What im talking about!!
That is what i want to do! Now dont get me wrong, im not disturbed, neither do i get a kick out of dirsturbing crime scene shows with all the blood and gore..(but i do love my occasional scary movie now and then) but im not going to lie..that stuff facinated me..
The attention to detail, thinking like a criminal, profiling the killers, using psychological analysis on their behaviour patterns to deduce what kind of criminals they are..haha

im goig off track here as usual arnt i?
basically what this one is really about is..im opening myself up more..path to a new more open me! So let this be one of my very first confessions...
..I secretly want to be a Spy/Criminal behavioural analyst/forensic anthropologist!
and maybe, someday, il end up atleast coming close to something along these lines..!
Till then..

..MushaBoom*

The Funnies ||

You know your Doctors coming onto you when...

-He photoshops his picture onto an X-ray of your heart

-His lab coat says 'tight butts drive me Nuts' on the back

-When you lie down on the examination table, he insists on spooning

-Before examining you he washes his hands in 'Obsession' by Calvin Klein



Typical day at the Hallmark 'Brainstorming' session..

Sympathy
-Kidney stone passing
-Rat caught in the AC
-Sudden Unexpected weight gain
-That time of the month

Congratulations
-Birth of an illegitimate child
-6th minute wedding anniversary
-Finally off welfare
-Discovered where that smell was coming from
-Smarter then the average bear

Things that Papercould be replaced with to make Rock, Paper, Scissors more believeable..

- Dynamite... blows up rock; scissors cut fuse

-Teenagers... teenagers smash rocks; scissors cut teenagers

-The Hands of time... Erosion wears rock; scissors are stainless steel

Reasons to Fear Canada! (Pebbles-yes you know who you are)

Recently a friend of mine Totts, just up and left for Canada.
And hence my racist, anger toward anything canadian grew even more.
No im just kidding, i was always racist towards Canada..plus its funny making fun of it, more because Totts is ohh so patriotic 'aboot' it, ESPECIALLY since Totts has only been there, less then a year! :P

Reasons to Fear Canada..

• Seem Not to mind that one of their provinces has turned almost entirely French
  
  
• Excessive Politeness only makes sense as a cover for something truely Sinister
  
  
• Citizens seem Strangely Impervious to the cold
  
  
• Decriminalization of Marijuana and acceptance of Gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, infact, be indestructable
  
  
• Consistantly stays just below Cultural Radar yet never quite disappears
  
  
• Never had a 'Disco' phase
  
  
• Seemingly endless supple of Timber, Donuits and Scotch-pliad hats with EarFlaps
  
  
  
• Plays a mean game of pond hockey
  
  
• It could be the next world power..what with all the Asians and Indians making up most of its population

You know your from Lahore when...

..and since ive done a khi one, it only felt natural to do one for the other part of me..
So checklist for you know your from lhr when...

- The only solution to boredom is eating out


-When your hungry at 3a.m you go out to CTC in your Pj's instead of walking into your Kitchen


-Atleast one of your friends is a 'Butt' ( check! :) hehe)


-You buy anything and everything from Al-fatah


-A really souped-up civic from Tokyo Drift stops next to you and instead of some hip hop/trance tunes, the woofers blast out Himesh Reshemiya


-The first 5 channels on your cable are dedicated to stage shows/mujras


-You have attended atleast one shadi that has had a mujra


-Your winning argument in the khi/lhr debate is, 'Lahore Lahore hai'


-You know its inevitable that you will be 'Chalaaned' on the Mall road


-You make fun of the way Karachi people Talk


-You hate Karachites..especially the word Karachite


-Even your Airport has a Nirala


-You see a Land Cruiser waiting in queue at the CNG pump


-Youve come across atleast one 'ADVOCATE' or 'DOCTOR' name plate on a house


-You see off your guests at the gate with the Whole Family


-You can name a million little shady cafe's like 'Chill Pill' and 'Gup shup'..and youve spent most of your school days at these shady places..cmon dont lie!

-And as of late, you know almost all/all the words to 'Bounce Billo' and 'Amplifier' by Imran Khan

You know your from Karachi when..

Found a few of these online..thought id share..funny stuff..(not funny if you dont know wht/where these things are)..
*not my own..copy pasted :)

- You actually 'Go Out for Coffee'


-You used to go for tutions even though you didnt need them


-You categorize people as 'burgers' and 'melas'


-You know the 'Telefun' number by heart, even though you dont know what 'telefun' actually is/does


-Your only argument in the khi/lhr debate is, 'well we have a beach!'




-You've always wondered what 'Khayaban' means


-You own either a Corola or a Civic


-Youve never realized that North Nazimabad is actually in the North


-Everyone has a gun..and i mean Everyone!


-When you say your drinking 'Doodh' its from the local milk shop(khadda market) in recycled coke/7up bottles


-When your city burns because something happened in some part of the country somewhere


-You know atleast One(more) person who has been held-up, kidnapped, mugged, stabbed, shot, etc.


-You go by landmarks not actual street names


-You use phrases like 'Scene on hai' and 'Whats the scene?'


-There are names of areas in karachi you've never heard of, let alone been to!


-You know your city is a dump, but you love it anyways!!!

The Funnies 1

So iv been reading this great website..well reading it in parts mostly, and i thought id share some of the little funnies i picked up from it..
*So for future reference, this is not my original stuff, but stuff iv found and am sharing..hence it will be in a different font/colour/etc.

Alternative Uses for Vodka (In the house)

• Pour 5 litres into a bucket for a soothing, sterile footbath
  

• Instead of paint, use vodka. Your friends will be impressed "Wow you painted your living room vodka?!"
  

• Save water with a quick Vodka shower. Just pour vodka onto your head, lather and rinse with vodka. Go ahead, sneak a sip..nobody's looking ;)
  

• Vodka your plants
  

• Make your own Vodka sause. Pour Vodka directly onto food- Vodka Sause!
  

• Take a bath in Vodka. 15-20 bottles. While you soak, bleach your whites in the same vodka. Its cost effective and pretty safe :)
  

• A few drops of vodka into the eyes will instantly clear up any redness or irritation.

Why Karma's a Bitch?

- Its that time of the month

-Someone made a joke about its mum

-It didnt get enough sleep

-You forgot its birthday

-Its grounded on Prom night

-It had to work late

-It wants to prove its an empowered woman

-Its on its Last Nerve

-No one Appreciates it

-Its the result of a Self-Filfilling Prophecy after some called it a Bitch!